Season 50, Episode 4: Old Wounds Reopened

The title of this episode is Knife To the Heart. It's referencing something Christian says in regards to both Gabby's attempted betrayal of him in Season 37 (which he saw coming, and was able to survive) and, I think, less explicitly, to Mike White's attempt to use this betrayal to manipulate Christian to do what he wants, which is to vote out Emily, Christian's ally.

I'm going to attempt to explain something that I love about the show Survivor and that's the psychological layers of it all. Bear with me. There's the surface game. The one where you are trying to make it to the end by surviving every tribal council via winning immunity challenges with your tribe and for yourself and by navigating the interpersonal minefields--aligning with the right people (those who end up in control), not aligning with the wrong people, not looking like too much of a threat, not being seen as weak (and therefore a danger to your tribe winning challenges) or too strong (too much of a threat to win all the individual immunity challenges), not being seen as too chaotic or shady or sneaky or have too much of a good story or too likable or not enough of a team player, etc. (You are trying to manage people's perceptions and experience of you, to some extent. It's why so many cast lawyers and cops don't admit to being lawyers and cops.) And if you get advantages, knowing when best to play them or use them to help others (ultimately helping yourself). Let's call it all the board game dynamics. How to play and win the game.

Beneath that is more complicated layer of interpersonal gameplay and politics involving social awareness, relationship building, and emotion management. As a player, you want people to feel safe with you. You want to be considered trustworthy. You want others to want to keep you. So maybe you do this by flattery, maybe you do this by fishing (For fish. To eat.) In the first episode Devens and Christian and Emily all tell each other how excited they are to be on a tribe together and have the opportunity to work together. Colby and Stephenie and Q work hard around their camp to take care of everyone's needs (shelter, fire, etc.). We are genetically primed to want to be included and accepted. To be ostracized in the ancient times of humankind, is to die. One can think of the game as sort of a throwback to this idea. Don't vote me out. Keep me around. The snuffing of your torch is your death in the game. Players who aren't successful at building immediate bonds or who show themselves to be potentially untrustworthy are at risk of their torch being snuffed. At least early on. And, certainly, there can be and is genuineness and authenticity that occurs within this relationship building. Of course, not always. Russell Hantz famously faked his way to the end, admitting to manipulation and calling his fellow cast "dumb" (not to their faces, but to the audience). But going through such an intense and difficult experience together and with nothing much else to do but talk, people are going to form bonds. And so a part of the game then becomes how to get to the end while also accounting for the emotional connections. What will it mean to betray your friend within the game and outside of it? Will they understand? Will they forgive you? How much does a million dollars mean to you? And how much can you count on others understanding that it is "just a game" and you did what you had to do. This seems to change depending on you who you talk to and when. We see hypocrisy again and again. We see bitterness and anger and hurt. But we also see plenty of understanding, too. She did what she needed to do and good for her, they might say. But, it's complicated and difficult and messy. How could it not be?

It's one thing to know this is a game, it's another to keep hold of that idea as you navigate hunger and exhaustion and loneliness and isolation and being away from known comforts and feeling paranoia and forging strong bonds.

And there's also the you of it all (if you are on Survivor). The Aubry of it all. The Dee of it all. The Devens of it all. What personality, values, expectations, history, baggage, idiosyncrasies, etc. does each player bring to the game that informs their play. Coach is bringing his deep seated belief in his own heroism. Ozzy is bringing his need to prove himself as something more than a provider who is good at challenges. He's bringing his history in several other seasons. He's bringing whatever motivations and values and personal struggles he has to manage in his everyday life. How he operates and lives in the world, what he cares about, and what sort of unconscious conflicts he might have (you know, the childhood wounds we all wrestle with). Ozzy has his own lens through which he views the world. Rizo has his. Tiffany has hers. Even if Tiffany believes she's going to show up and be strategic in a certain kind of way, she's still going to have to wrestle with everything that makes her Tiffany. I don't know much about Rizo's life, but we know he's the child of immigrants. Rizo's way of living in the world is going to be informed by his awareness of his parent's struggles to adapt to American culture, potentially. Was Rizo ever bullied in school? Did he ever feel any financial hardship? Has he adapted to any adversity by overcorrecting with overconfidence? I kid. But maybe? I don't want to make assumptions about Rizo, but he does call himself Rizgod.

Anyway, this is all to say, we show up with ourselves, warts and all.

And here we have another layer because it's a season of people who have played before, some of them several times. What's interesting about returnee seasons, especially this one, is all the extra layers of history both within the game and without. Christian and Mike and Angelina were all on a season together and, for the most part, played together. They bring with them their collective experience as well as the relationships they developed outside after the game. Like Mike said in his confessional, he's been to Angelina's house. When they are playing 50, they are all bringing their experiences and baggage from all their previous seasons. Mike had a pretty easy game on 37. If I remember correctly, no one was ever gunning hard for him. He had a few strong alliances and was able to get his way on vote outs.

Which brings us back to the what's happening between Mike White and Christian. Mike wants to save Angelina. He feels loyal to her as a friend, but she's also someone he can count on to be aligned with. She'll be loyal to him. I'm not sure why he doesn't make more of a play for Stephenie, as that would likely be an easier sell to Christian. I can only guess that he's focused on what he wants rather than accounting for what others would more likely go for. He sees Emily as too much of a threat. Same with Q from the previous episode. I think Mike's easy path in 37 has made him more laser focused on threats to him personally rather than considering the big picture. He recognizes Q as a powerful figure and wants him out, but that's short term thinking. Because they needed Q this past challenge. Also, too, as a director, he's probably used to getting his way. This is not an attack on Mike White. I love the guy. He's witty and fun to watch. I love having him on the season. But directors direct. That's the world he's coming from.

So Mike thinks he's being smart by bringing up Gabby's betrayal and comparing his alliance with Emily to his alliance with Gabby. Two nerds. And he implies that Emily will hurt him the same way. He's trying to emotionally manipulate Christian. But the problem is that Christian sees it as what it is and he's not down with that. What does it mean that Mike's willing to go there and bring up something painful to get his way? He rightly recognizes that Mike's in this for himself (and of course he is because they all are). But now? So early? What will that mean down the line? Christian wants to play his own game. He doesn't want to play Mike White's game. And seeing how far Mike will take things, scares Christian. He's willing to hurt his friend to get his way.

And so he rallies the troops (Emily and Stephenie) and Mike goes home. There's a great moment where Christian is trying to stop Emily from telling Ozzy too much. He doesn't want Ozzy to know the plan is to vote Mike out, but Emily can't keep herself from telling Ozzy that Mike was gunning for her. It really does make one wonder why Christian doesn't see Emily's behavior as too difficult and exhausting to try to keep managing and work around. But, they have that bond.

I get the move to want to vote Mike out. I'm not sure if it will be worth it because it really upsets Angelina, who he's still on the tribe with. And it also frustrates Ozzy, who has wanted to align with Mike and who wasn't included in the vote. That's pretty risky to do. It also makes him a power player, which is a dangerous thing to give away this early. But, it's true that Mike was a dangerous player. And it makes sense that Christian would be so bothered by his manipulation. Mike lost Christian by trying to control him and Christian realizing it.

Side note: Too much of this episode focuses on country musician Zac Brown and his love of spear fishing. And the only thing that interests me at all about Zac Brown being on the island, is just how emotional it makes Dee and the tribe that wins the reward of his company (and caught fish). Dee cries because Zac Brown's music has been important to her in her life. And Aubry and Colby and Joe and Coach get emotional when Zac takes out his guitar and sings them some tunes. I guess they are all really in their feelings. Maybe it's being away from their loved ones or maybe it's just the moment: together on an island, fed, and happy for now. Life is good?